(Part of The Plebian: April Fool’s Edition)
At the heart of Albion College are the campus squirrels. Always making an appearance at every Albion event, they are the Briton’s largest fan club.
In previous years, the college has focused on students while deciding on campus renovations. According to President Wayne Webster, next year, he plans to “focus on the squirrels.” Thanks to multiple anonymous donors known only under the shared moniker “S. carolinensis,” the school can now focus on what they termed “everyone’s favorite part of campus.”
Squirrel Statue
The Rock is a statement piece in the quad that organizations have painted many hundreds of times over the years. Now Albion College would like to implement another piece to the quad. President Webster has approved plans for a 14-foot-tall squirrel statue next to the Rock located between Vulgmore and Robinson Hall.
“The squirrel signifies the Albion spirit to live free and climb high,” Webster said.
Dearborn sophomore Misty Moss said the squirrels drove her decision “to come to Albion.”
“Honoring the squirrels is well overdue,” Webster said. “They are as much a part of the school as anyone.”
According to Webster, the statue should be finished in time for the upcoming fall semester.
“Our donors were very interested in, quote, ‘creating a space for students and wildlife to celebrate the all-powerful and life-giving squirrel,’” Webster said.
Signs, Again
This past year the signs outside buildings were changed. According to Dwight Schrute, assistant to the president, overall feedback on the signs was negative. With the help of Acorn Architecture, the signs will be done in time for the fall 2026 semester.
“It was simple; I asked them if they wanted to form an alliance,” Schrute said. “It is an honor to work with such prestigious organizations.”
Building on the squirrel theme, Jenny Mielock, Squirrel Endowed Fund project manager, said the college plans to incorporate squirrels on the signs. Mielock added she looks forward to having creativity on the job.
“The college is known for its large squirrel populations. Why pretend like anyone likes the Briton more?” Mielock said.
Mielock added she looks forward to doing more projects around campus and encourages students to reach out if they are interested in learning more about getting involved with projects around campus.
Squirrel Stop
Qdoba, Starbucks, the Brit Bar and now, adding to the list of dining options, a slushie bar. Coming fall 2027, the Squirrel Stop will be open and offer slushies, ice cream and dessert. The hours of the bar have not been solidified as of today, but according to Webster, more information is “coming soon.”.
Mt. Holly first-year and football player Jonothan Leach said he is looking forward to getting a slushie after practices with his teammates.
“I am really hoping they have wild slushie flavors such as pickle, root beer, marshmallow and jalapeño,” Leach said. “But right now it sounds like all they’re going to offer is ‘nuts and berries’ and ‘trash waffle,’ whatever that means.”
The slushie bar will be constructed in the tunnels underneath campus for, as the donors put it in their endowment, “the best year-round access for students looking to hide from predators.”
“This will be a perfect place to get a refreshing treat after a hot pre-season practice,” Leach said.
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