College is a place where people of all ages, cultures, genders and backgrounds come together for a common goal: to learn. While learning is the primary goal, making friends with your roommate may be a bonus.
My roommate last semester was Beachwood, Ohio, first-year Fathia Ramoni. This semester, we’re both living alone because of our room preferences, but during our time together, we really got to know one another.
In an email Ramoni sent me the summer before we moved in together, she said she was Nigerian, and I figured there would be some major differences between us. I had never even talked to a Nigerian person before, let alone shared an intimate space with one. I wasn’t sure what the experience would be like.
As Ramoni often says, though, if people meet, it’s fate – and who am I to argue?
Living and Learning Through Fathia’s Eyes
I remember when Ramoni moved in and I saw her for the first time. She hadn’t texted me exactly when she was coming, so when I walked into the room and she was there, it was shocking that she’d seemingly appeared out of nowhere. I remember feeling nervous that we wouldn’t get along.
When we spoke about it later, Ramoni said that when she first saw me, she thought I looked “a lot more white” than she first imagined. When she saw my last name in the email, she said she figured I would be an immigrant like her. I thought that was interesting, because my first impression of her was about her clothes, a style that was totally new to me.
For nearly my entire life, I haven’t shared a room with anyone, and the early stages of my college life were spent in a weird dance where one step was accepting living with someone and the next was missing my own space. At times I felt like we were two puzzle pieces from different puzzles.
Through the months we spent together, it began to feel like maybe we were two pieces of the same puzzle, just representing different parts. Every puzzle tells a story, and a story isn’t complete without all the pieces. To fill in the gaps, I asked Ramoni for a conversation about her experience living with me.
“I kind of forgot how enjoyable it was to live with people,” Ramoni said. “We get closer; it was like, ‘This is a nice feeling.’”
Ramoni added that she’d had her own room before college, as her family knew how she gets “so drained so easily.”
I can understand this feeling, coming from years of not sharing a room. I also like to have my own personal space, and living in a 13-foot by 11-foot space with anyone can be difficult at times.
I remember waking up for class some days and listening to Ramoni call her family at 6 a.m.
Together they would pray, sing songs and just chat. Every night at 9 p.m., Ramoni’s family would call her again to pray, sing, talk and share details about their days.
Although I had often just gotten in bed a few hours before, it was inspiring to see someone so dedicated not only to connecting with family, but also to their religion.
Whenever I call my family, it’s at a time when I’m not busy, and it could be at any time of day. It was eye-opening to see how she handled family more as a daily non-negotiable, whereas I take a more go-with-the-flow approach.
Ramoni said I was “pretty open-minded compared to most people,” adding that even though I wasn’t “given the opportunity to be fully in tune” with my culture, I “still found ways to enjoy it.”
It was interesting to consider things from that angle. In my eyes, she seems proud and comfortable with her culture, whereas I know almost nothing about half of my ancestry.
Occasionally, when she made food, she would offer me some, which led me to the discovery that jollof rice, a seasoned rice dish, is delicious. Through her, I also first tried Indomie, a brand of Indonesian ramen popular in Nigeria, which was a blessing to my tastebuds. I thought it was cool to see how she lived.
I also shared the foods I know and love with her, like my precious Japanese Ramune sodas and Pocky sticks. It is my firm belief that food is community, and sharing food with Ramoni brought us closer.
A New Perspective
When you live with someone, you tend to develop a more profound understanding of them as a person and their culture.
Even now that Ramoni moved out, we’re still friends. I don’t think much has changed about our friendship, apart from her not sleeping in the same room as me anymore.
Our friendship was forged through difficult moments, laughter and karaoke, and sharing culture was no small part.
Having Ramoni as a roommate has positively impacted my social and emotional intelligence, and the experience has given me a new perspective on things in not only my life, but Ramoni’s as well.
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