There’s not much worse than taking your first step out the door in the morning, breakfast eaten, homework done, only to feel the mysterious pain warning you of things to come: You’ve got tummy troubles.
As a proud lactose intolerant, I’m no stranger to this scenario. In fact, I’d be willing to bet I’ve spent a fair percentage of my life curled up on the ground in the name of twisted guts. Though I’m no doctor, I’ve learned a lot from my suffering. Thus, I’m here to offer my advice on managing your tummy troubles.
I am a noble knight riding the steed of relief, hoping that we shall find and rescue you, dear princess, in your high tower of stomach problems.
First of All: Do You Need to Go to the Hospital?
If you’re having intense pain in the lower right side of your abdomen, there’s a chance it could be appendicitis, which is inflammation in a teeny organ at the head of the large intestine. According to the Cleveland Clinic, 5% of the U.S. population will get appendicitis in their lifetime, so if you think it could be this, it might be time to head to the hospital.
If you have ovaries, there’s a chance an ovarian cyst may be to blame. According to the Cleveland Clinic, these are most common in people with either a family history of ovarian cysts, or who manage other disorders like endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).
In such intense pain that you aren’t able to breathe easily through or otherwise function? Better safe than sorry – get your inflamed butt to your nearest urgent care.
If the pain is something you’re familiar with, or you already know the cause, you’re in a position to take it easy at home. Though I’ve certainly gone to my classes on these days, just know that it will not be the end of the world to stay home and get back to 100% – your body will thank you.
Did You Eat Something Crazy?
Well, who can blame you? Maybe the mozzarella sticks were exactly what the meal was missing, or the questionable gas-station pizza was beckoning you with cartoonish, aroma-like hands.
I get it, I promise I do.
If you’re not having a genuine allergic reaction, I fear the next step for you is to find solace in a bathroom. The offending foods are going to find their way out of you eventually – all you can do is give your body the time and privacy to do its thing.
Be careful not to spend too much time actually sitting and straining, though. As silly as it sounds, too much of this is a one-way ticket to hemorrhoids.
After the fact, make sure to drink plenty of water – diarrhea can cause dehydration!
If you didn’t eat anything weird, great work! However, your definition of crazy foods might not match your gut’s definition. If you’re anything like me, you’ll spend a long time in denial, because avoiding some foods seems wildly inconvenient, like dairy, gluten or soy.
My advice? Pay attention to your body. If you’re having consistent issues, it might be time to head to your doctor for some testing.
Coming from someone who has effectively cut dairy out of their diet, I promise, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Ultimately, it’s worth it if it means you’re not stuck writhing on the ground every time you eat a bowl of cereal.
Preventative Measures
You contain multitudes. I mean literally, your body is chock-full of microbes that determine how you react to all kinds of environmental inputs. Your gut is the Atlanta airport of your body: busy and full of frustrating security.
If you want to have better gut health, you need to have a better diet. But this is easier said than done. Listening to your body is important, and eating what you want to eat is a part of that.
Having a healthy diet isn’t about eating salad every day – that won’t work. The microbes in your gut are accustomed and bred to break down what you’ve been eating, not what you’re going to eat. If you want to make the kind of change that alters your cravings, you need to start slow.
As we get older, many foods start to become harder to digest. For me, I struggle to digest foods that are excessively oily or rich, like fries and red meat. Accept these changes as they happen – I promise alternative foods can be just as good, and won’t leave you regretting your meal.
Finally, to get a bit serious, recent research by the Cancer Research Institute (CRI) tells us that rates of colorectal cancer in young adults are skyrocketing. People in my age group are contracting and dying of these cancers at a higher rate than ever before – and it’s scary.
If we’re going to lower these numbers, we have to pay more attention to our gut health. The CRI recommends eating more fiber and making sure movement is a part of our lives – whether that be a trip to the gym or a daily walk.
Pay attention. Go get tested. Eat your fruits and veggies.
Has All Else Failed?
Through years of trying medication, stretching, walking and even throwing up, one method has risen above the rest as my ultimate cure to tummy troubles:
Lay on the floor.
“But the floor is dirty!” Put a towel down. “But it’ll be boring!” Bring a book. “But it’s cold down there!” There is truly nothing better than cold tile when you’re in pain – trust me.
Overall, this too shall pass. But don’t make the mistake of ignoring the problem. Change your lifestyle – and consult a medical professional if needed – and my dear squire, you shall need my guidance no more.
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