What Would President Wayne Webster Do?

A man sitting down at a dark wood desk wearing a light lavender button-up shirt holds a pen to sign a paper. The walls behind him are purple and cream with a scenic painting of hills mounted on the purple wall. — Wayne Webster, Albion College’s president, sits in his office signing a diploma. When he’s not conducting official business, he’s answering silly situation questions from the Pleiad (Photo illustration by Gabriela Popa).

This time of the year is a whirlwind of laughter, sadness and the kind of exhaustion only finals can bring. Not to mention holding back tears due to departing seniors. To brighten up this stressful next week, the Pleiad asked President Wayne Webster some silly, Albion-related questions.

Q: If Albion were to experience an Alien invasion, what would you do?

Webster: “Oh. Initially hide, and then figure out what they needed. Figure out what they wanted, right?”

W: “Offer them some ‘Doba, maybe. You know, just figure out what we could do to appease them.”

Q: What would happen if you had to take a role in the Housing Hunger games from the Plebian?

W: “I would square off with anybody to probably live in The Mae. It seems like that’s probably like you got air conditioning, it’s pretty that’s probably the place to choose to fight over.”

Q: What would you do if you had beef with a campus squirrel like no other?

W: “Oh, I wouldn’t mess with the squirrels. They’re pretty tough. I think they would have the advantage over me. I would avoid the squirrels. They’re feisty.”

Q: What would you do if you had all the therapy pups for a full 24 hours? Puppy sleepover and all.

W: “Well, you know, I got two goldendoodles of my own, so I kind of almost have a little mini therapy pot at my house. I’d make sure they go out a lot, make sure they’re fed and probably just snuggle with them. I like to snuggle my dogs.”

Q: If you had the budget to turn Baldwin into a Michelin star restaurant, what would you do?

W: “Oh wow. Definitely a steakhouse with some nice wines and a nice bar. Like a Ruth’s Chris, or like a little more high end. I think a good steakhouse would be my choice.”

Webster added that if he couldn’t turn Baldwin into a steakhouse, he’d follow a Vegas style buffet concept.

“They have these buffets that just have the craziest options, like sushi and steak and pizza, probably like 50 different options,” Webster said

Q: If you could only eat one type of food forever, what would you eat?

W: “Chocolate. Yeah. I definitely have a sweet tooth and a little piece of chocolate picks you up.”

Q: What if we had to merge with Alma college? Could you help set aside the rivalry for the greater good?

W: “No, they would have to take our name, they’d be North Albion.”

Gabriela Popa also contributed reporting to this story.